A Belated Resolution

I usually never make resolutions for a new year (by which I mean that I always make resolutions, break them within the first week, and then undoubtedly forget altogether what I promised to do in the first place). But as 2013 settles in, I realize a resolution that I would actually like to keep: to stop talking about other women’s bodies. If somebody showed me a tally of how often I comment on the physical appearance of both other women and of myself, I don’t doubt that I would be disgusted, and I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

I have justified the body-talk for a long time by telling myself that as long as my comments are positive, they’re okay. So saying that a girl who recently put on weight is “lucky that she has such a stunning face” or “can totally pull off those curves” is ay-okay. Moreover, telling a group of women that another woman’s body is “absolutely perfect,” or describing a girl to a friend as having “huge boobs” is fine because, hey, I’m just giving a compliment! But the effect that my comments have on both my peers and on myself must influence the way that we experience our own bodies. Body-talk fuels comparisons as well as the bizarre notion that somebody else’s beauty makes everyone else that much less beautiful, and vice versa. Objectively, I realize that somebody else’s beauty does not make mine any less real and that talking about a woman who is less attractive than I am certainly does not make me any more attractive. So why talk about it?

Body-talk also has a negative impact on a much larger scale, that is, how it plays into the collective objectification of women. By talking about a woman in terms of her body, we reduce her down into a physical object. “Oh, Virginia? She’s gorgeous!” I say innocently. Virginia, for all intents and purposes, is Mila-Kunis-stunning, but not even I can justify that her looks have any real bearing on her as a person. Why am I never inclined to talk about how Virginia is smart, nice, or funny? It seems that every other characteristic is marginalized by her appearance, and I am responsible for this marginalization.

As a self-proclaimed feminist, I complain my fair share about how unfairly our society treats women. Between the normalized gender violence that results from a hyper-masculine standard of ‘manhood’ and the media portrayals of polarized female sexuality (where a woman is either an innocent or a vixen, a nun or a slut), the message that a woman’s looks should decide how she is treated comes in loud and clear. I hear from my girlfriends all the time the shared fear that they might only be valued for their outward appearance. From love to work to friendships, we as women are aware that our bodies are far too entangled in our lives. I complain about this messy entanglement, and yet I enforce it. I enforce it every time that I talk about another woman in terms of her body and consequently reduce her identity into a matter of physical appearance.

So this year, my resolution is to refuse to take part in this objectification of both other women and of myself. I refuse to talk about how another woman looks or to complain about my own self-proclaimed flaws. I will not seek validation by asking, “do I look okay?” and I will start complimenting other women based on things other than their bodies. I hope you will join me in making 2013 a year that we stop the body-talk and start the female empowerment.