Rejection

Last week, Teach for America notified me that I have not been accepted into their program. (Thanks for crossing your fingers for me. NOT.) At first, this was OMG the worst thing that could ever happen. But then I had a conversation with my mom (aren't moms the best?). She asked me if I was planning to apply to any other programs to teach, or if I was considering getting my teaching credential the old fashioned way. “No,” I replied, not even having to think about my answer. This response made me realize that I wasn’t actually upset about not being able to participate in Teach for America, but rather, I was upset that I had been rejected.

Rejection never feels good, and I, like everyone else over the age of twelve, have had my fair share. Between dealing with a break-up and a series of job rejections, having TFA tell me 'no' was icing on my self-pity cake. I swiftly decided that I must have some sort of innate deficiency that makes me both unhireable and unloveable and spent the past weekend sulking appropriately.

But there’s only so much sulking a girl can do (read: that friends will put up with said girl doing). So I am now in the process of convincing myself that rejection is character-building for the reasons that follow:

1) Rejection is liberating. 

When rejected, you have no choice but to free yourself from whatever it is that rejected you. Example one: the all-too-unavoidable break up. Sure, you can spend as much time as you want pining over someone who has made it abundantly clear that they don't want you (after doing a lot of this, I can confidently advise against it), or you can accept it and move on. In the case of my TFA rejection, I now have the freedom to do whatever I want for the next two years. I won’t be stuck in one place, committed to one job, but instead I will have the chance to try out different things, to move different places, and to be different people until I find something that fits.

2) Rejection opens the door to self realization. 

“What could I have done differently?” is a fairly universal response to rejection. While there is no use dwelling in could/should haves, there is use in taking a close look at yourself and seeing what could use some improvement. Or you might realize that you have strengths that, for whatever reason, were not utilized by your rejector. Rejection let's you evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, and gives you the chance to grow accordingly.

3) Rejection makes acceptance even better. 

I would like to think that, at some point in my life, I will be successful in a career that I enjoy (also that someday somebody might love me but that’s more of a long shot). When this happens, it will be all the sweeter knowing that I fought to get myself there. I’ve experienced this satisfaction of fighting for what I want in my recovery. Choosing every day to live a life that promotes both a physically and emotionally healthy and happy self means so much more to me after I experienced being stuck in an unhealthy lifestyle. As Nietzsche writes:

“The greater the suffering, the greater the potential for joy. How little you know of human happiness, you comfortable and benevolent people. For happiness and unhappiness are sisters and even twins that either grow up together or remain small together. Those who wish to experience the fullness of life must also suffer deeply, for it is in recovery from a crippling disease that life is most fully affirmed." (Zarathustra)

4) Rejection makes you more interesting. 

You know that girl from your high school who was gorgeous since the age of eight and never had to work for anything? Have you spoken to her recently? If she’s anything like that girl from my high school, I wouldn’t recommend it--she’s bound to be painfully dull. (Yes, I realize that not every pretty girl is boring but can we please just amuse my lingering resentment towards anyone who was popular in high school?) My point is that rejection really does build character. Look at any person you admire, whose life you find especially interesting, and there will undoubtedly be a good portion of rejection that they have both dealt with and grown from. The ability to laugh at your mistakes, to not take life too seriously, and to realize your own inadequacies is so important in the never-ending journey of 'growing up'. (Added plus--rejection might make you funnier! Just try to name a comedian who isn’t even slightly self-deprecating.)

It's a growing list and any suggestions would be much appreciated. Let's keep the good character-building times coming!